In My Journal Today

My little ones about 6 years ago.

What It Means To Be A Mother. . .

It was the night of Mother's Day, all the kids had gone to bed and the house was quiet. I was reflecting on what a great day it had been. We had attended our lovely church service, had the most fantastic nap, a delicious dinner and talked to my wonderful Mom to wish her Happy Mother's Day. The kids were even well behaved and attentive. . . a banner day all around.

I began thinking about what it means to me to be a Mom, after all, I've had 13 years of experience now, I should have some wise thoughts! I suppose that Motherhood can be summed up by one word: Contradiction!

There is a joy that is really beyond words in having these children in my life. And I'm not just talking about the big moments either. So much happiness can be found in little snippets of time like when Abby(8) said something funny to Benjamin (dad) the other day and we all laughed hysterically, or when Eddie (13) comes home from school and can't get enough hugs, or that sweet way that Ricky (11) cricks his neck when he is sleeping. Contrast all these memorable things with the bickering, spending too much time on the computer, eating me out of house and home, ignoring my requests. . . well you know. . . . I've posted my all time favorite photo of the kids above. It was taken about 6 or 7 years ago while I was doing a photo shoot of Ricky for a portrait of him. They all look really happy here don't they? Well, right before the click of the shutter, they were all fussing at each other and generally unhappy. I said, "Boys, kiss your sister" and poof, I got one of the best photos of all time! Talk about contradiction.

Then there is that never ending battle between over-protecting and letting them grow in their independence. Wow! This is a tough one for me, but in my defense, I am getting a little better. When Eddie was a baby we had gates everywhere and constantly had our eyes on him. By the time Abby came along we just let her roam about the house freely. Now they're older and letting go is more important, more worrisome and all I can say is "I'M WORKING ON IT"!

There are many other contradictions to being a mom, way too many to mention in this post, but of course, we can't forget the happiness that comes with spending time with these kids doing all the fun things we do as a family, and the happiness that comes from spending time ALONE while they're at school!

Motherhood= Contradictory- you bet! But the Lord had blessed me so richly with the care of these beautiful children and I will always be so thankful for them!

I adore you Eddie, Ricky, and Abby! Love Mom